Saturday, 29 November 2014

Boredom - the desire for desires.

noun: boredom
  1. the state of feeling bored.
    "I'll die of boredom if I live that long"
Synonyms: weariness, ennui, lack of enthusiasm, lack of interest, lack of concern, apathy, uninterestedness, unconcern, languor, sluggishness, accidie, malaise, world- weariness;                                                                                                                                       

don't quite think theres anything more frustrating than boredom; making a cup of tea then realising you have no milk, fake tanning before a night out then noticing its pouring with rain, getting to the check out after queuing for a half an hour and finding you've left your purse at home. All of these things come close, but are never quite as dreadful as sitting, twiddling your thumbs, hoping for some sort of fairy godmother to appear with a one way ticket out of bored town. 

The mind numbing feeling of boredom itself is enough to send anyone insane if they obtain it for too long, however thats not the worst of it. Boredom usually comes with its two ugly sisters, guilt and over thinking.

Guilt often shows up first. You begin to compare your life to those in third world countries and feel horrific that the sheer notion of boredom even exists to you, with a plethora of things to do, see or learn about, yet theres never any incentive to do anything. We have too much privilege, freedom and knowledge to ever experience boredom, yet at least once a day, I, just like many others, will find myself endlessly scrolling through tumblr, watching old episodes of new girl or eating the contents of my cupboards out of sheer lack of enthusiasm or interest in anything.
Then over thinking appears and so begins the never ending train of thoughts. Questioning yourself, friendships, relationships, career choices, anything and everything until you either exhaust yourself into falling asleep or crying, in my case its usually both.

Up until a lecture I attended last week I always saw boredom as such a negative and ungrateful thing to acquire. Being bored was never something I cared to admit, in fear of being branded with the phrase "only boring people get bored". Until it was brought to my attention boredom is simply the desire for desires, an appetite for something new and interesting to come along. It has nothing to do your lack of charisma, drive, intelligence or wit. Its quite frankly rather exciting, boredom is the beginning of adventure, that first step to making the decision to change, the starting point for ideas, the door that leads to wherever you want to go. Without boredom everyone would be too busy to know themselves or what they're doing. Everything has to start somewhere and for the first time ever I think boredom seems like the best place. 


Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Waste of space.

If you've managed to go through life and have not yet been referred to or declared as a waste of space, congratulations! You must be doing something right. For most I'd assume this isn't the case, everyone has those “what am I doing with my life” days. When you don't know who you are or what the point of anything is. Which obviously is completely normal, however my “what am I doing with my life” day has lasted near on 3 weeks and I'm just about ready to lose it. Im lacking everything but appetite and fatigue and the looming sense of meaninglessness is draining.

With the internet full of shitty celebrity gossip, teenage girls, fashion bloggers and adverts it fails to strive any sort of creativity or establish any inspiration and pushes me further down this hole.
Whilst its painful to see reams of shit clogging up the news and social media it all comes down to everyone having their own internet space, and they can do whatever the fuck they like with it.
Everyone can share as much or little as they desire and choose exactly how they want to be perceived, regardless of how close to reality that is. Until recently I felt this was a bad thing, mainly because I was a spectator and didn't participate, which makes me probably the biggest hypocrite, complaining about lack of inspiring content rather than just making it.

So this is just my space, for the extraneous thoughts and nonessential ramblings I'd usually keep to myself, consequently a waste of space.